The Difficult & The Divine

  For the first time in six months I am feeling like myself again. I have experienced a lot in my life time. Some of those experiences have been absolutely wonderful, and amazingly beautiful... while some of them have been incredibly hard, and awfully dark... but never have I experienced anything like what the past 6 months has afforded me....the perfect marriage of the wonderful, the hard, the beautiful, the dark, & the EXTREMELY messy.
  When I reflect on all of this I can't help but think of the cross. The image of my Savior on the cross is seared into my mind...there He is...the sinless Savior beautifully broken for me....in the single most selfless, most holy act ever recorded in history. The cross~ full of: wonder, unimaginable hardship, pure incomparable beauty under the cover of pitch black darkness... and messy...we can't even begin to imagine how messy. And yet, this is the picture of hope, of new life, of redemption, and of relentless love. It's the scene that saved my life, that made a way for me to live in victory, and so I keep walking this path He set before me. Each passing day producing in me more faith, more perseverance, more mercy, more grace than the day before. Each day better acquainting me with the One that I love most.

~Millie


2 Peter 1:3
By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.

The art of losing myself...

Good...Hard...Sweet...Messy... and without a doubt- exactly as it should be.

   I've spent a good bit of time reflecting on the last couple months since we have had our baby girls home with us. I've waited until now to write this because: A) My brain was what my good friend Ashley refers to as "Mommy Mush". B) I know it's hard to believe, but with a twelve year old boy (who is just nearly a man), a seven year old little dumpling, and the terrific two-some I haven't had too much spare time on my hands. C) I wanted to write this with as much authenticity as possible instead of just cranking out an updated post. 

   A few short weeks into this thing the gravity of something hit me. I started thinking about all the ways I have been challenged- pulled -s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d- as we've been on this crazy journey of adoption. From the beginning it seemed every where we turned there was another obstacle to overcome, another chance to trust Him, another opportunity to live my life in a way that says I actually believe in my heart what I say I believe with my mouth. 

   As much as I read, as much as I heard it said, I couldn't imagine that "the real work would begin when we got home". I could not believe that the hardest part would really be after we had them in our arms. After all, having them in our arms was the focus, the goal for all this time, and I'm great with kids, and practically a pro considering I already have two awesome homegrown kiddos. I can tell you with full certainty that for me, the waiting, the worrying, the helplessness that is pre adoption did not touch what has been required of me on this side of the adoption. Many people describe a "honeymoon period" after they pick their children up, and for a period of time once they return home. We did not have that {and that's okay}. Our "real work" began the moment we picked them up at the Thomas Center.

   

  If you can imagine taking two, two year old baby girls who for the past year had been raised in a nursery type setting ~super loving nannies, toys to play with, nothing that could really hurt them, or that they could break, or that they could climb on, jump on, hang from, etc..~ ,and introducing them to a world full of opportunities to explore. Add to that the whole "we're strangers thing", and the language barrier and ... Wait... Don't even try to imagine it.. it would not do the experience justice.  

   

This has been, and continues to be, without a doubt the most sanctifying experience of my life. I've actually considered filing a petition to rename the process of adoption to sanctification. 

   You should apply to be placed on a waiting list for your 

sanctification. Then you should fill out all your sanctification 

papers. File your request to be sanctified. Drive your Dossier 

to the state capital to have your sanctification papers 

authenticated. Then FedEx the said sanctification papers off 

to Ethiopia.... ~ Adoption is Sanctification. 

Sanctification: "It is the process whereby we are renewed according to the image of God, conformed to the image of Christ, and enabled to die to ourselves and live to God." 

So, this calling on our lives is continually rocking my world, and blessing my socks off all at the same time. The amount of training, and nurturing involved in taking care of these precious babes is staggering. I cannot tell you how many times I have thought, "Oh man, I am not cut out for this, I do not have what it takes to give these babies what they need." 

It is in those moments that He so graciously, so gently reminds me:

" His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to 

life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who  

called us by His own glory and excellence." 2 Peter 1:3

  Christ in me means I've been given EVERYTHING I need to live out this life, and carry out the calling He has placed on us. Thank you Jesus! Through Him, I CAN do this, and what an honor it is to be entrusted with such priceless treasure. 

Speaking of priceless treasure:

Enough about me, Let's talk about my Gimbie girls. Don't be fooled by those beautiful faces, and ever so sweet mischievous smiles. These girls are warriors. They have the hearts of  champions, the resolve of the elite. They have somehow had the strength, the sheer will, to open up their hearts and let down their defenses and let us in. Do you know how much determination that must take? After leaving everything they knew, and living in not 1, not 2, but 3 different orphans homes in the past year, they came to us {place #4} and over time have been brave enough to let themselves go with us.  I will never forget the moment when Meryn (the older, more protective, more guarded of the two) dropped her defenses and let me into her world (completely) for the first time. I remember exactly where we were, where I was sitting, what we were doing when it happened. I will cherish that memory always. I will forever more live my life in gratitude for their courage... for the gift of their love and trust in their silly, love struck, momma and poppa. ~Millie

So, here's my heart...

 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. 
-James 1:27

After recently reading a post on bringlove.in entitled I needed a reminder today, then reading the quote below in Levi Benkert's book No Greater Love, the Holy Spirit started dealing with me about writing this entry. May the Holy Spirit speak to you whatever He wills as you read it.

"...as I held the babies and watched them play, I also knew I could never go back to America and pretend that I hadn't seen their faces. Something broke inside me. Something changed deep down as I wandered around that tiny, dirty compound in the deep south Ethiopia, holding those precious children, and allowing thoughts of their futures and destinies to take over." 

Did you know that there are over 147 million orphans in this world we live in? That there are six million children in need of a family in Ethiopia alone? These aren't just numbers on a page. They represent people...lives. I've seen many of their faces. The sweet faces of little boys barefoot and begging for food will forever be burned into my mind. The beautiful faces of baby girls, not much older (if any older) than our seven year old daughter Avery, now care givers with their baby brother or sister in a sling on their backs while they are digging  through trash to try to find food for them both.

So, here's my heart:

  I am not in any way saying that everyone on the planet is called to adopt. I have no idea what His plan is for your life, and would never presume that it should mirror mine. There are people who carry out James 1:27 by being the hands and feet of Jesus through: foster care,  serving in orphanages, home bound programs, gathering supplies for orphanages, sponsorship programs like Compassion, Adoption Ministry 1:27, or World vision, nursing home ministry, and many other avenues. There are also people who feel led to sow into the adoptions of families, that they know or may have never even met, financially (THANK YOU Jesus for those that used their resources to help us bring our girls home!).

What is your part to play? In what ways does He want to use you to carry this out? This is a command we find in scripture so we can be sure that He is calling us all to DO SOMETHING.

This is not a post to make anyone feel guilt or shame. That is not the intent of my heart.  If you feel guilt or shame it is not from me, and it sure isn't of God. He is NOT an accuser, He is a gentleman. So don't let the enemy beat you down.

That being said, the conviction of the Holy Spirit is very real, and I have a question for you. Have you asked the Lord if it's His will for your family to adopt? I mean to get still, and quiet, and really seek His heart on the matter as it pertains to you personally. I can assure you that He will impress it on your heart in a way that you cannot miss! If you feel His leading to adopt, but your spouse is not on the same page please DO NOT beg them to comply, or try to guilt them into it. Be honest about what you're feeling , then commit to pray for His will to be revealed to them. Just ask Nick about this (please ask Nick about this) if you have any doubts.

Also, we would be happy to pray with you, and for you, and answer any questions about the process if you are seriously considering it. We are so very thankful for families like the Lemanskis, Nystrands, and the Soutters that were willing to talk with us, pray for us, and answer our questions (from the other side of the United States regardless of the fact that we were complete strangers:).  So feel free to email us at wearethetins@gmail.com .


Lastly, do not spend time thinking about all the reasons you could not adopt. Open your heart to the possibility ,and trust that if it's His will He will make it happen. He is MORE than able! That is not a statement, it's our testimony. He is MORE than able.

Our sweet angels July 4th :)

Baby's First...

  Whenever we first heard about the "twins from Gimbie whose paper work would probably never line up with our referral" we knew in our hearts that these were our girls. When we accepted the referral for them it began to sink in that they were at an age where they had already accomplished many of their "firsts". I have to admit that having experienced the big milestones with our two home grown kids
(and by "experienced" I mean that we celebrated-we did a happy dance, we took a gazillion pictures, we called every close relative, we documented every little moment in their baby books, and scrapbooks), I grieved a little bit at the loss of those major moments with Meryn and Saryn.
  What I did not realize, and even if I had realized it, could not fully understand, was that I was going to get to experience a completely different set of firsts. In fact, almost everything we would do with our girls was a first for them. We are privileged to have the joy of assisting them in each new discovery.




 Imagine what it was like for us to: watch our babies squeal with delight as they splashed around a great big bath tub for the first time.........  

 or the joy we felt when they bit into a syrupy sweet pancake for the first time, and their little faces light up like the sunshine

...and what about the first day the girls really "let themselves go" with us and we got to hear them laugh until they were absolutely delirious? 

                                                   ...the first time they rode in the stroller

...the first time they flew in a plane (although they both thought it was a car and were shouting, "Mon-kee-nah,Mon-kee-nah,Mon-kee-nah!" in unison as we boarded:)

....the first time they met their brother and sister (with Ave crying happy tears from the moment she laid eyes on them, and Alex,the no longer trying to play it cool 12 year old, was clearly whipped).

...the first time they cuddled up in bed at HOME

                                      

...the first time they swung a baseball bat, and loved it might I add. They absolutely love to throw, kick, swing, and they are fast as lightning! I know it's way too  a little too early to tell, but we may have some little athletes on our hands:)

... or the anticipation we felt when we snuck them out for their first visit to the park early one morning, and the subsequent thrill we got when they had the time of their lives playing in the sand, and sliding down the tube slide...

... the first time they ate shaved ice (which even though it was mango flavored was NOT a hit ,but was quite funny to watch. Meryn wanted to like it so bad, but just couldn't get over how cold it was.)

....and then there was their first time to swim. They absolutely loved it! I will never forget the joy on their faces. It was priceless!

I have to say the best firsts, the most wonderful firsts, have been the first time the girls called me Momma, the first time they called out to their "Poppa Nick", the first sweet kisses, the first time they took a tumble and called out for us to love on them, and the first time they said I love you, and it was clear they knew the weight of what they were saying, and they meant it.

 Most of these things are experiences our bio kids have long before they are old enough to be cognizant of the fact they are doing something new. It has been, and will continue to be like an unexpected gift just waiting to be unwrapped and enjoyed. I feel like we are discovering buried treasure every time we turn around. It's just another one of the amazing, beautiful joys of international adoption, and to think, there are so many more firsts in store!

HaPpY Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to Nick Wiginton because:

...We got married @ a young age. We started our family right away, and you stepped up to the plate.

 ...You are always up for an adventure, especially when it 
    involves making memories with your favorite people.

 ...You have gladly dressed up, and played the part in order to bless our kiddos...even when it meant that you were the only man brave enough to rock a chicken suit, and do the chicken dance in front of Ave's entire school... and be a good sport when you got back to the Ferry to find posters of you in your chicken suit that your co-workers had posted everywhere:)

... You have spent countless hours at Polar Express P.J. Parties, kids museums, zoos, and Disney on Ice.

 ...You never take yourself too seriously, and are always ready for a good time.

...you show our kids what a real man looks like by working hard to provide for us,

 ... and having a servants heart in our community, in our church, and in our home.

 You are showing Alex what it is to love a woman well, and teaching our girls how they should be loved.

More than anything, you are a godly example for them to look up to and want to be like. I love you Nick Wiginton, and I am so thankful for you! So thankful in fact that my heart is bursting with gratitude @ 3:32 a.m. when I should be sleeping! HaPpY FaThEr'S DaY! I can't wait to see what all He has in store for our growing family.